As part of a special event, the word "special" here means "disappointing", this film was released simultaneously on TV, On-Demand, DVD and at the Cinema. The poor unfortunates who had to part with some money in order to view this, it's fair to say, atrocity. It stars Michael Smiley, who often plays slightly creepy people, Julian Barratt, comedy partner to Noel Fielding in "The Mighty Boosh" and Reece Shearsmith, part of "The League of Gentlemen" comedy team. At this stage, it sounds like it is shaping up to be some "special" comedy film.
Before we get onto that, though, I will cover three other films that I think I really quite appalling. They each claim to be "tragicomedy" or "neo-realist", words which here operate as pretentious façades, and each are from southern Europe, so my apologies to Spain and Greece for somehow not comprehending what on Earth they were on about.
The 4th Worst Film Ever
Bombón El Perro
Like all exciting characters, Coco aspires to work in a petrol station.
Still, being kind he ends up with a dog and then drives around with it.
Nothing happens.
Like all exciting characters, Coco aspires to work in a petrol station.
Still, being kind he ends up with a dog and then drives around with it.
Nothing happens.
The 3rd Worst Film Ever
Whisky
Like all exciting characters, Jacobo works in a sock factory.
He asks his employee to pretend to be his wife because his brother is visiting. It's a bit depressing.
Nothing happens.
Like all exciting characters, Jacobo works in a sock factory.
He asks his employee to pretend to be his wife because his brother is visiting. It's a bit depressing.
Nothing happens.
The 2nd Worst Film Ever
Dogtooth
Like all exciting characters, the parents keep their children enclosed in their house and lie to them about the outside world. Some of the events in it might sound amusing, but they are not.
It's just horrible.
Like all exciting characters, the parents keep their children enclosed in their house and lie to them about the outside world. Some of the events in it might sound amusing, but they are not.
It's just horrible.
The Worst Film Ever
A FIELD IN ENGLAND
Written by Amy Jump
Directed by Ben Wheatley
Written by Amy Jump
Directed by Ben Wheatley
I presume it would be safer not to allow Amy Jump near any form of writing implement in the future. To start off: nothing happens. Well, some things happen, but for 90 minutes these things are basically mumbling, wobbling and shouting. The film then moves into a terrible, headache-inducing psychotropic scene which is actually just a lot of fast cuts, flashing and mirrored images. This scene goes on for a very long time, with no dialogue - it just keeps flashing and flashing; it is really quite horrendous. The characters basically just walk around in a field, and get a bit angry with each other.
As for more technical details, to be fair, they did only have a budget of £300,000 (IS that being fair?) and they shot the whole thing in one field, over only 12 days. I have been a Director on a film, and it does take time and effort to get it right, (however, we did have an absolutely appalling Camera Woman who slowed everything down by at least 60%) - with the loyal members of my team we could easily make something better than this film for even a budget of £30. It was also shot entirely in black & white, which seems oddly pretentious to me in these days of one-click post-production. Although the production images here look ambient, the actual footage seemed strangely "fake" in their B&W colouring. That was just another annoying detail.
I suppose we are supposed to decide for ourselves what is going on in the film, and it's probably one of those where more information takes place in conversations after the film has finished than in the film itself. But this caused me to watch it waiting constantly for something to happen, which of course doesn't happen. Nothing happens. Thinking of it as a single piece of work, as a single 90 minutes, it is terribly dull, stupid, slow, flat, empty, flashing and bothersome.
So I can only implore you:
So I can only implore you:
DO Watch This Film
It's so terrible, you have to see it.
Then ping me up on my telecommunications system and tell me how bad you think it is.
Then ping me up on my telecommunications system and tell me how bad you think it is.